re: your recent email resume. (or, How [not] to get a job in the video industry)

Dear Carol*,

Thank you for your interest in I’AMedia as your future employer. Currently we are not hiring for the position of “editor, filmmaker, intern or whatever”, and will hold onto your resume’ in the event a future opportunity opens. If your interest truly lies in video production, allow me to give you a few pointers to adjust your resume’.
First, it’s boring. The link you included in your very long and probably copy/pasted email took me to another boring word document. There’s no difference in any text sizes, no color, no bold or italics, though there were a few misspelled words. I wasn’t sure if they were intentional. You went to ####### university (which I do know has a great A/V program, so your lack here is curious), and majored in blah and minored in blah blah. I’m snoring, Carol. I’ll bet you make birthday cards with more enthusiasm than this.
Please understand that we get numerous emails daily enquiring as to our hiring and available positions, so the fact that I’m writing back to you should be taken with attention. Not that I or we are anything majestic, but still. You asked us.
Your resume’ says you were part of several film festivals. Where’s the proof? Is there a link to a website or demo reel? Demo Reel? Demo Reel? We’re a video company, Carol. We like video. A resume to us without any video (or links to video) is like applying to be a lifeguard and not knowing that water is wet. Where is the behind-the-scene of you on set? Where’s the clip of your great…okay, I’m done. We want video, Carol. Telling us you spent 4 years studying film means nothing. Millions of people study things everyday.
The job history listed here is questionable. Fast food cook? Dog-walker? You did work in a bookstore for a year. Sounds fun. No internships? No film camps? Something tells me that this line of work isn’t for you. But if you think I’m wrong, than fix your resume’ before sending it out again. If we like what we see, perhaps you could come in for an interview. (I understand this may be difficult seeing as you live several states away.)
Thank you again for writing to us, and please take these words into consideration.

*Names have not been changed.